The 2019 Miami Dolphins find themselves at a terrible 0-6 on the season. Are they forcing themselves into the conversation of the worst NFL team ever?
Another Sunday, another loss for the 2019 Miami Dolphins. They semi-Jedi mind trick us into thinking they’re interested in winning, but they really aren’t. The Force isn’t with this football team and we might as well banish them to Hoth with how bad they’re playing. Just wait for the Evil Empire to strike back in Week 17. South Florida will need a pay wall for that game.
So as the Dolphins made us all cry again by falling to the Buffalo Bills in New Era Field in Week 7 31-21, there is no New Hope for this laughably bad football team. But are the 2019 Dolphins the worst collection of football talent, or lack thereof, in NFL history. As Lee Corso often says on ESPN’s College GameDay, “not so fast.”
The Dolphins stink like the rotten fish they are. They’re no longer mammals, they’re just terrible. That being said, we’ve seen greater abominations on NFL gridirons in the last 50 years, including two this century.
Despite being the antithesis of the 1972 Dolphins, the 2019 Dolphins haven’t yet fallen into the same hopeless abyss that engulfed the 2008 Detroit Lions, the 2017 Cleveland Browns and god forbid, the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Miami is getting increasingly close to the Lions team that earned the right to draft Matthew Stafford No. 1 overall out of Georgia in 2009. They were terrible, but won preseason games and nearly won a few games. The 2019 Dolphins have that level stink on them right now.
As for the rank 2017 Browns and the putrid 1976 Buccaneers, Miami has a way to go for that level of stench. It’s not coaching malpractice like what made the Hue Jackson Browns go 0-for-16 in 2017, resulting in him jumping into Lake Erie in 2018, only to be fired weeks later. The Dolphins do play hard for head coach Brian Flores, so we’ll give them that.
In terms of not having the on-field talent to compete, they rival John McKay’s 1976 Buccaneers. He regretted leaving the USC Trojans immediately after seeing what he had to work with on his 1976 expansion. That team was a lot of Steve Spurrier getting sacked, no blocking and a ton of not tackling. McKay celebrated America’s Bicentennial with an amazing display of soundbites.
So while its seven weeks into the 2019 NFL campaign, it’s too early to say the Dolphins are on the Mount Rushmore of NFL Suck. Keep in mind that they still have to play the equally pathetic Cincinnati Bengals, who strike fear in absolutely no one. Playmakers on three! That game will be the saddest of all 256 regular-season games played this year. Some will win, but they could tie…